Johnny Carson’s Carnac the Magnificent would end his act by saying “I have in my hand the final envelope.” The audience would then erupt in prompted cheers to indicate that they were glad the act was ending. Bearing that in mind,

I present below the final slate of games for this historically bad (atrocious, abominable, mediocre, dreadful, horrid, sorry, rotten, pitiful, incompetent, painful, crappy, awful, terrible, lousy, deplorable, unspeakable …) season of Patriot League football.

[I now pause for the cheers. Take as long as you like.]

LAFAYETTE @ LEHIGH (Number 153)
COLGATE @ GEORGETOWN
BUCKNELL @ FORDHAM

Bye: Holy Cross (Season Finished)

Game of the Week: Lafayette @ Lehigh. It’s tradition. It’s a legitimate “I hate ‘em” rivalry. The stands will be packed. It will be watched across the country and, I believe, in some foreign countries on special TV hookups. Thousands and thousands actually care who wins this game. It’s the Patriot League’s version of a bowl game. I now defy you to tell me one thing – anything – about either of those other games that distinguishes it from a high school scrimmage in early August. Go ahead … I’m waiting.

I’m bringing this up for the 5th, 6th, 10th, … 20th time: How is it that a confederation of old and respected eastern colleges and universities, each with a storied athletic program, has only one traditional game to hype on the final Saturday of the football season? We can’t find even one other matchup to throw out there as something special? That bunch in Center Valley needs to pull their heads out of their butts.